Sometimes you forget. Days, weeks and months go by and in the bubble that is your everyday normality you forget. Ok, so sometimes I get a bit dizzy, a bit sore. I am tired, but we'll put that down to a year of interrupted nights, being a full time student, a Mum, a wife and just generally juggling a lot of balls.
My health is better than it has been in 8 years. Its scary to think that its been 8 years since I've been "well". I am amazed at how much I'm able to do now. Just in the last year my health has rapidly improved, I couldn't have coped with a life half as busy this time last year. Most of the time I feel ok. Strong, even. So, I don't think about what other people do, how healthy they are. I don't think about what I can't do because I'm too busy doing what I can! I'm not sure any sane person would choose to go back to uni and start a family at the same time, but when my health started improving I wasn't going to waste a second. I have a wonderful life; I'm so blessed to be able to study, to have the best baby in the world ever (not biased in the slightest!!), to be married to a supportive, wonderful, caring husband and to have the health to enjoy it all.
So, days like today come as a shock. Its honestly like being slapped in the face. Days where you don't feel right at the start, dizzy, tired, achy. Unsteady on your feet. And the breakfast that normally helps doesn't touch it. The car journey makes it worse. Standing is sore and exhausting, even for short periods. You cling to the banister to climb the stairs, slowly and the effort sucks all the energy, all the life out of you. And you stand in a room full of people, and realise your the only one who feels ill with the heat and the noise, the only one struggling to stand.
So tonight I'll feel sorry for myself, have a cuddle from my husband, have a bath, get an early night. And tomorrow I'll start it all again and hope and pray it won't take as much from me as today has.
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